Everyone has their own ideals. In the poly and BDSM world each and everyone has their own ideal, be it partner(s), playstyle or event. Not surprising really given that everyone is unique.

It is important to have ideals, whether or not we find them is a different thing. I may have found my ideal but it’s slipped through my fingers. I watch as I continue to explore searching for an ideal that may or may not exist. I was thinking about this as I made my way to get a coffee at the local Starbucks.

I really can’t do without coffee. Nectar of the gods. My ideal was and is still out there. I know that I may have made a mess of things but because I know what I had I can hope that someday I may return.

The amount of people who I’ve discussed relationships and matters of resolution and repair, all agree with my assessment that I can do more, find another one that fits. Maybe and maybe not. Perhaps I approach this the wrong way.

A friend suggested that I start dating again…ehh yeah ok will see about that. Does a person approach someone at random and ask them for a chance to see if things are a possibility to meet up somewhere for dinner or coffee?

I’m going slow, always seem to be moving slow until I kick the horse I’m ridding into a gallop. Lord knows those gallops normally run me into a wall so slow going should be my speed.

Today I cut off contact with the ProDomme who approached me. That’s not my thing. I know what I want/need and it doesn’t involve pay to play. It involves a friendship, a real relationship. No I’m not desperate. I have until I die to look. So today I will enjoy my coffee and muse about possibilities. There are no rules saying that it has to happen no boundaries that I can’t cross that seperate ideals from actuality.

I am free. Free to live and love that I have friends who are willing to talk about this and offer insight. Thank you for letting me know what you think about who I ask about. It was definitely eye opening.