Wanting to go one direction is interesting, knowing that it would be better not to and still running up the wall of want. I’ve been pushed against by a primary who is steadfast in his hate and pulled by the want I’ve always felt to return to my owner is hard.

Ultimately it is not in my hands or his but hers. Longing for your best friend, and not being able to return is tiring so I returned to the coffee shop.

Fuel for the soul as I write. Yes life is hard and going left instead of right is hard too. I am still yours, waiting until I’m allowed to return. Not pushing, just waiting. I’m not going where he wants me to. I’m not going to post what he said.

I will not disappear, I am not an afterthought I was a choice with James and I won’t do that again. I can’t. You marked me as yours and that will stay with me until I die. I will always be loyal to you my Guardian Angel.

I was almost certain that I was wrong today until I got the texts telling me to disappear. Rinse and repeat? That sounds like jealousy and it’s not healthy in a poly relationship or any relationship.

Is the problem something that I didn’t do? Time to sit back and wait. Something that I have a great deal of trouble doing so I guess I will have to wait again. The year and a half was torture but will this be longer? There is no way to know but I am yours MGA. Always have been.