The dynamic has been shattered. Yeah while I buried one Mistress and came to meet another I am met with shattered dreams and the loss of a friend because it was too hard for My Guardian Angel to stick to what had been talked about a year and a half ago. I have a lot of hurt still bottled up after what was said and I know a lot if it was due to anger because of what I had said. I have taken responsibility for what I had said but regardless of this there is no reasoning past what her primary has been wanting. He wanted this and so surely I was expecting it but hoped that there was something worth saving.
I will survive and continue my search for a partner in crime who will communicate and see me for who and what I am, deserving of love while sharing life side by side to the betterment of both of us. I can’t blame the past on anyone because the past is the past, now it is time to move on into the future with friends and allies and new acquaintances to share in the adventure of life and all that it has. Does this mean that I have given up my hope for a future with a Mistress or Master? Definitely not, it just means that my shifting of my focus will be done without the complications of a maybe in the back of my mind and I have the lessons I have learned from trusting and being broken several times and I will put the pieces back together maybe in a different way but I will stop my pity party as much as it was “FUN” it certainly doesn’t benefit me in any way.
So in anticipation of a lovely week with no fetters holding me back the plan is to refill my vape, pot stores so I can stop my numb hands from being a problem and I hope that I will find some friends at Shadows and can have a good impact session or two to work out the kinks and maybe discuss any potential new partners who are possibly interested in having something that I have been focused on looking for since I came to Fetlife in search of a better way of living and loving.