Yeah I know which jungle I’m referring to…the dating jungle. Full of lions and tigers and bears oh my. Everyone seems to be looking for someone to connect with and have a life with. Yes myself included and even if I know that I have people who care about me I know that I am still trying to navigate the pitfalls of dating both the traps as well as the mistakes.
I say welcome to the jungle because I see so many ways to screw everything up all the time. Maybe it’s just anxiety talking but with everything I’ve seen online and while I interact with others online and develop relationships online, some lasting and some more like a passing dream and a big part of me wants to just disappear into the woodwork and disappear from the scene where I make myself vulnerable to many people because of my pursuit of happiness. It shouldn’t be this hard to find someone who is the right one.
I returned to the search in January for my match after the disaster I made with MGA because it is hard for me to not have a “partner in crime” to explore kink and someone to serve because it is part of who I am. While looking for a partner I’ve had several unfortunate potential connections that didn’t work for me, and I’ve definitely become sure that I know what I want and I continue pursuing my solo-poly because without a partner all I can be is solo-poly.
There are scammers out there and there are quality people out there I am sure of it but without certainty in their motives it is a nerve wracking journey. Yes I still talk with My Gaurdian Angel daily and I know that I shouldn’t feel like I still need look for someone else but I know that if I am not looking I turn away any chance for anyone else. Surprisingly enough I still feel like I am owned regardless of hearing her tell me that she no longer claims me as hers it still feels like I am.
Maybe I should just stop looking, and start living more freely. I don’t know what to do with these new connections but I know that if it’s not possible for anything with anyone right now maybe it’s a good thing.